Two-Faced Romance
by Clara-bear6
Summary: A what-if story for the book the Outsiders about Cherry and Ponyboy and gang-conversions... Hope ya like it!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there people! This is my first story, and its a 'what-if' story for the book the Outsiders.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimed- don't own the Outsiders or any characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

"Ponyboy! Come on little buddy, talk to me!" called a voice.

"Darry, Sodapop. I think we're too late. There's nothing we can do for him now, he has to pull through on his own." called another.

"Shut up you bastard! I won't ever give up on him, not now, not ever. This is my little brother we're talking about here! He was only a kid god damn it!" sobbed a familiar voice. I heard the sounds of footsteps leaving the room.

"Hello?" I weakly mumbled, "Darry?"

A blurry face turned in my direction so fast that I was convinced that whoever that face belonged to would get whiplash. "Oh Ponyboy, don't you ever do that to me and Sodapop ever again, you hear me!" came another sputtering sob, we thought you bit it." Darry grabbed me roughly and scooped me into his arms, holding me like he would never let go, and I never wanted him to until I coughed and sputtered for air.

"Darry, what's wrong with me?" I said with panic racing through my veins, turning me ice cold. "Darry, I'm off pretty bad, ain't I" I said, tears slipping from the corners of my eyes, streaking my dusty face. All I got in response was a sob.

"Yeah, you're pretty bad off little buddy, but you're tough right? We'll get you through it, the whole gang." I sobbed quietly on Darry's shoulder for what seemed an eternity.

Finally I said, "Where's Sodapop and the rest of the gang?"

"They had to take Soda out of the house, so he couldn't see you. He was going crazy with worry and he wouldn't leave you alone long enough to rest." I slowly picked my head with great effort and looked around the room, just long enough to see that I was back in the house that I lived in with Darry and Sodapop. I was back in my old bed. Then, a sudden, sharp jolt of pain ran up my side. It was enough to make me gasp and it almost made me black out. My head thumped back against Darry, hard. Everything was spinning, everything was blurry and out of focus, my head and my side were now throbbing. "God damn it Pony, take it easy!" shouted Darry gently. 'We need you to stay with us, you've been asleep for almost three days."

"Three days!" I yelped, "What the hell happened to me?"

"Well, no one knows. You went out with a party with Dallas. He came back drunk off his ass, without you. Not making the mistake of leaving you alone with him again! Anyway, when he comes home without you we soon figured out that he had no idea where the hell you were. The whole gang, Johnny, Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, Dally, and I went looking for you, panicked beyond belief. You know how bad things are getting with the Socs! Dally came home around two o'clock in the morning and we didn't find you until around five o'clock in the morning. You were unconscious and shaking like a leaf, freezing cold in the vacant lot. You had no jacket on even though it is the middle of winter. We carried you home and then had you looked at by the doc. He told us that you had five broken ribs, you shredded your tongue and cheek, and you also have a fractured wrist, and needed seven stiches to your face and five to your hand." I let this news sink in.

"Darry, I'll be ok though, right?"

"I hope so but only time can tell, only time can tell." He breathed a slow, steady breath, thinking things over. "Do you want me to let the rest of the gang back in now?"

"Sure." I managed to wheeze out.

Darry walked out the door from his seated position on the bed in three long strides and hollered, "Hey everyone! Pony's up if you want to see him." I heard jostling and things breaking and before I knew it the whole gang was in my room jostling me and the bed, I gasped. The jolting pain was enough to make black spots dance in front of my eyes. "Guy's take it easy, knock it off!" Darry yelped, "He's only been awake for twenty minutes!" The guys took their hands off me and some sat on the bed and some chose to stand.

"Sorry bud, I forgot how bad off you were." Two-Bit said with a sad smile, "But I thought you could handle it like a man, not a whining little girl," He said with a mischievous wink and a wild grin.

"Remind me to beat you later." I said between breaths, "Once I'm done with you, you'll be wishing you were in half as good of shape as I am now." I retorted.

He smiled and then let out a laugh. "I knew you were okay." He said and ruffled my hair and walked out the door. "I'll be right back!" He yelled over his shoulder. Everyone else was standing at the end the bed, just staring at me.

"Guys, why are y'all acting so weird, it's not like I'm on my death bed!" I said with a chuckle.

"It's just that you um... look different?" Dally offered up. Sodapop rushed over to me and enveloped me in an awkward bear hug and then held me like Darry did.

"Ponyboy, I thought we had actually lost you this time." He said, his eyes filling up with tears. He put his face against mine and cried. I could feel the salty wetness running down my face. I hugged him back harder.

"I'm sorry I worried you Soda." I said guiltily. He laughed and pulled me away from him just so he could see my face.

"No offense buddy, but you look like hell all cut up and bruised like that." Now it was my turn to laugh, which also hurt but I was so happy I didn't care.

"Gee, thanks," I muttered, "I'm going to go and jump in the shower."

The other guys left the room, jostling me with affection and saying things like, "It's good to have you back, Pony."

The job was half done for me, my shirt was off but my sides were wrapped in bandages, I'm guessing because of my cracked ribs. I was pretty stiff but I gasped, wriggled, and pulled until my bandages were almost off. Soda's eyes widened because of his surprise at my struggle with a simple task like that.

"Don't hurt yourself, let me get it for you." He said gently. He reached for the white bandages wrapped around me. I was so tired and out of breath after trying to get them off myself that I didn't even have the energy to refuse. By the time I caught my breath, Soda already had gotten the bandages off.

"Thanks, I can do the rest." I said quietly. Before he could respond, I threw the covers off and struggled to stand up. I was on my feet and I leaned heavily against the wall.

"Um... Ponyboy," Soda said, "You're looking a little pale, you okay?" I just waved him off but still stood against the wall. I took a couple wobbly, tentative steps. I tripped and started to fall but Soda caught my arm with his hand and put his other arm around my shoulders. I let him guide me to the bathroom and pushed his hand away and shut the door. Feeling much better, I jumped in the shower but taking much longer than usual, every movement stiff. I got out and wrapped a towel around me. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair. I greased back my hair, using a more generous amount of the hair gel than usual. For the first time in three days, I looked in the mirror. Soda was right, I looked like hell in its purest form. There was a deep gash from my temple at the edge of my hairline to my cheekbone that had been stitched up. That is definitely going to scar. My face was a map of purple, yellow, black, blue, and green. I had a black eye that was almost swollen shut. My lips were cracked and dry. This reflection looked nothing like me. I felt like I was going to puke. Which I did. I brushed my teeth again and slapped a smile on my face. I hobbled as fast as I could out of the bathroom. I pulled on jeans and a t-shirt. I went down the hall where Darry was waiting for me in the kitchen, eyeing me up.

"Sit," he commanded and nodded his head towards the nearest chair. I obeyed without complaint. The guys filtered in because everyone knew that Darry in the kitchen meant food. "What do you want to eat?" He asked.

"Everything." I replied with a grin.

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><p><strong>Review if you love life! Trust me, soon enough, Ponyboy won't!<strong>

**~Clara-bear6**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

He grinned back, "One everything coming up!" While Darry cooked, the gang told stories of what I missed, the good fights, and the new broads in town. They told the latest news of the surrounding gangs, and especially how much they missed me. God, it was good to be back I thought to myself. There was only one major problem... That problem was named Cherry Valance.

Cherry wasn't a problem, she was an angel with red hair with bright green eyes. And she was my girl. I liked how that sounded, my girl. The only thing is, she's a Soc. She isn't like the Greaser girls with loud, dirty mouths who wear too much makeup and try too hard to make themselves look beautiful. Cherry had soft, fiery red hair that falls in perfect ringlets at the end. Her eyes are the color of jade. She has the sweetest soft pink lips, not to thin and not too fat. She had high cheekbones and a slight nose. She was perfect in every way. And I loved her, just thinking about her made my heart swell with love, excitement, and happiness. The prettiest girl in town was my girlfriend. Mine. I guess I drifted off dreaming about Cherry and the possibilities of our relationship and it took a shake and a loud, "Hey Pony, stop day dreaming and eat your food." From Darry to snap me out of my trance. "What's gotten into you, you've been acting weird."

"Me?" I asked nervously. "I haven't been acting weird, I've just been... thinking about stuff."

"What kind of stuff," asked Darry wearing a worried expression, "Have you had any of those dreams lately?"

"No, nothing like that." I said.

A coy smile crept across Darry's face, "I think Ponyboy is in love."

My face turned a deep tomato red and I felt my anger growing. "Aw Darry, knock it off, it's nothing like that."

The whole gang started chanting, "Pony is in love, Pony is in love! Who's the lucky little lady?" The chanting got louder accompanied by banging on the table. I was so angry I began to shake. I pushed my chair violently out from under the table and stood up, tears filling my eyes. I turned away and ran out the door, sprinting down the street. I didn't stop until I got to the main road and stuck out my thumb, trying to catch a ride to the other side of town. Finally, a blue Mustang pulled up on my left side.

"Hey stranger," called a familiar voice, "Need a ride kid?" The familiar voice belonged to one of the Socs, it was Cherry's oldest brother, Mike. I smiled gratefully and leaned in the rolled down window.

"Any chance this car is going to stop at Cherry's house?' I asked.

"That's my first stop." Mike responded. I hopped in the back seat there were three guys in the car, including Mike. Mike is a tough looking guy, he's about six foot and completely ripped. One punch from him could knock someone out. He had cold, steely gray eyes and an uneven smile. He had a scar that started at his ear and ended at his chin. He had a square jaw that was almost always clenched shut. The rest of the ride was quiet. We stopped at Mike's house and he let me in to see Cherry. "She's been worried sick about you." Mike said.

"That's why I've come to put her fears to rest." I answered with a smirk. Mike punched my shoulder in approval and jogged back to the car. "Thanks for the ride Mike." I called over my shoulder.

"Anytime, you're one of us now." He said with a smile. One of us. That was different I thought. Me, a Soc. I stepped into the house.

"Cherry, it's Ponyboy." I called into the vicinity of the clean, spacious house. I heard the sound of feet racing down the stairs.

"Ponyboy," Cherry sobbed, "You're okay, thank God you're okay." She threw herself into my open arms. She cried with her head resting on my shoulder. She squeezed me hard, a little too hard. I gasped and suddenly the room was spinning. "Ponyboy, are you okay?' she asked, loosening her grip, and looking at my face, worry present in her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I wheezed out, "I just might need to sit down for a while."

"Okay, I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, you just caught me off guard." I said weakly. I tried to smile but it looked like a painful grimace. She held me next to her and I leaned on her until we made it to the couch. "Thanks." I said when I sat down.

"Anytime," she said with a smile, "This was, after all, Mike's fault." Thinking about that night made me flinch and I pushed the thought out of my mind and I focused on Cherry. "I haven't seen you since that night and I was so worried." Cherry said without taking her eyes off of my face. "You look pretty bad, what happened?"

"I really don't remember but I have had five broken ribs, a fractured wrist, and needed seven stiches to my face and five to my hand. Looking at my face made her cry some more. "Hey, it's okay baby, I think it makes me look tough." I said with a smile. She reached up and gingerly touched my bruised, multicolored face, my swollen black eye, and traced the deep, stitched-up cut along my face as if she was afraid to.

"Your face, your poor beautiful face." She said, cracking a smile though still crying.

"Hey, I'm still good looking, right?" I said jokingly.

"You will be when your face heals up and doesn't contain the colors of the Aurora Borealis." She said with a giggle. "Ponyboy, do you know I love you?" Before I could respond, she craned her neck and softly kissed my lips. Her lips tasted like sweet candy. I cradled her head in my hands and kissed her again. She moved closer and moved her hands up my arms and I winced but didn't care. I kept going. I pulled her closer to me until she was practically sitting on my lap. She reached for the hem of my shirt. Suddenly, we heard the door knob turning and we pulled apart. She snuck one more kiss onto my lips and held my hand.

"Now I do for sure." I whispered in her ear. I could tell she was smiling even though she was staring at Mike standing in the doorway.

"Ponyboy, I think you better go home, I'll give you a lift. Your gang is looking for you." Mike informed me.

"Okay, I'll be right out." I called. Mike turned around and went to start the car. "Well, Cherry Valance, I guess I better get going. Bye for now." I quickly planted one more kiss on her lips and stood. She stood to and hugged me before I walked out the door. Once I got home, I was in big trouble.

"Where the hell have you been?" Yelled Darry, his face a mask of worry and anger.

"Around." I replied coolly.

"Don't you get smart with me kid." He shouted.

"I. am not. A KID!" I said, no longer keeping my cool.

"You are in this house." He said coldly. I gave him a dirty look and stomped away into my room, where Soda was relaxing on the bed.

"Hey Pony, I'm real sorry about this morning." Soda said guiltily. "I didn't know that you'd take it that hard."

"It's fine," I mumbled, "I'm over it."

"You scared me when you ran out like that," he said. "Don't do that to us again."


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh, good old depression. And teenage angst.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

With angst I reply, "Whatever, no one gives a crap besides you."

Soda replied, his face surprisingly full of anger, "Ponyboy, why do you always say bull like that?"

"Because it's true!" I shouted. Soda just stared at me and then turned his back towards me.

"You know everyone in the gang adores you, even Darry. Even when you don't believe it. I didn't respond, I just laid down on the bed next to Soda. I turned away so he wouldn't see the silent tears slipping down my face. I guess my crying wasn't so silent after all because Soda turned so that he was facing me. "Why are you crying now, I was only trying to make you feel better!" Soda said quickly.

"It's not you," I whispered back, "I did something very bad."

I felt Soda tense up beside me, "Ponyboy," he said seriously, "What did you do?" I didn't say anything, I didn't want him to know. "Ponyboy!" he yelled loudly. A little too loudly. Darry came running in from down the hall.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Darry shouted. I couldn't tell them, I could just imagine their disappointed, worried stares. I didn't want to hurt them anymore. I hadn't figured out what I was going to say. So I ran. Darry tried to grab me and push me back down on the bed but I slipped through the narrow gap between Darry and the that moment I hated myself, I hated myself more than I ever had. I hated myself for running instead of facing my problems, for always being a crybaby instead of handling things like a man like everyone else. I hated for causing so much disappointment and worry for Darry and Soda. And most of all, I hated myself for what I had done, I had betrayed my friends and my family. All of the people I love.

That's when I saw the lake. It was the middle of winter so the lake was covered in a thin sheet of ice. At that intense moment, I knew I wanted to die. So, I tried. I ran to the lake and, without stopping, I launched myself off of the muddy water's edge, through the sheet of ice, into that frigid cold water. I was completely underwater in a matter of seconds. The minute I hit that frigid water, I couldn't breathe. I let myself sink, closed my eyes and remembered all of the good times I've had in my fourteen years. My lungs were burning, screaming, begging for air. Every inch of my body was convulsing violently. I was becoming numb. I had only been in the water for two minutes. I let the blackness blur my vision. I felt a floating sensation, as if I was slipping out of my body. '_This is it_,' I thought, '_I want to let go. No more gangs, no more anything. The blackness was almost completely surrounding me, but not before I felt a hand grab my t-shirt. No, no, no!_' I screamed silently, '_Let me go, leave me here to die.'_ Then everything went black.

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><p>...Angst.<p>

Review if you want Ponyboy to live!

-Clara-bear6


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there! It's Songbook12, updating for Clara-bear6, per the norm *sigh* anyways, we just wanted to let you know that I'm the beta! And that this story is totally awesome! And you should go read my stories;) Hope you enjoy this chapter, she worked hard on it!**

**Disclaimer- Don't own any characters, places, etc...**

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><p><em>Chapter Four<em>

I felt my eyes flutter open to a scene of mass chaos. I felt a hand slap me across the left side of my face, hurting my already bruised face. Then the hand came into view again, slapping the right side of my face. "Ponyboy, please wake up. Why are you so god damn selfish?" came a watery voice.

I jumped up from the ground and straightened my back, ready for a fight. I came face to face with Darry. "Oh, it's just you." I casually reply.

"Just me, JUST ME? I don't know if you remember but this is the same brother that just saved you from KILLING YOURSELF! What the hell man? What is _wrong_ with you? I don't know if you realize this, but you just tried to commit _suicide,_" raged Darry. And for the first time ever, Darry broke down and cried. He dropped down to the muddy ground and sobbed. For the first time in a long time, I was dumbfounded. I stood there not knowing what to do or what to say. So I sunk down in the mud next to him. I took his muscular arm and draped it over me and put my head on Darry's heaving chest, just like I used to do when I was little. Suddenly, he rose to his feet, pulling me up with him. We were face to face, an arm's length apart. He balled his hand into a fist and before I could figure out what was happening, _WHAM!_ His fist met my face with incredible force, catching me off guard and knocking me to the ground. My breaths came in short, surprised gasps.

"What the-?" I attempted before another punch came down on my stomach, hard. _Ooof. _That punch had knocked the wind out of me. I knew Darry had a strong punch, but I didn't know how hard it actually was. Four punches to my face later, Sodapop came running down the street, thank God!

"Darry, Darry what the hell? Get off of him! You're gonna freaking kill him!" Soda said, running towards us. Soda jumped through the air and landed right on top of Darry and knocked him to the ground and off of me. Soda jumped off of Darry and ran to me where I was gasping like a fish and wobbling around on my feet. I was trying to stand, but everything was going in and out of focus and that makes everything a challenge. He stood in front of me protectively although Darry was still sitting on the ground. "Ponyboy, let's go. Come on!" Soda whispered tentatively as if Darry was a savage animal waiting to pounce. Soda turned to face me. "Oh." He said. He took my arm and threw it over his shoulder. He half-dragged half carried me back to the house and threw me down on the couch. "Don't move."

"Ha, good one." I scoffed. He ran back out the door and a few minutes later, returned with Darry.

"Sit." He commanded Darry. Darry raised his eyebrow, he doesn't usually take orders from us. Soda nodded his head towards the couch. Darry sat down at the opposite end across from me, eyeing me up. "I'll be down to talk with you later. For now, you two will sit here until you talk everything out." Said Soda sternly. Darry and I both laughed a little at that one. It was always funny when Soda acted like a parent. He raised one eyebrow and cracked a smile. Shaking his head, he got up and left the room. Darry looked at me with regret.

"I'll start I guess." Responded Darry calmly. "First of all, I'm sorry I hit you. More than once."

"And I'm sorry you hit me too." I said.

"I was caught up in my feelings and I shouldn't have taken it out on a kid."

"I. Am not. A KID!" I raged. Then, I picked up the nearest thing (it turned out to be a picture on the coffee table) and chucked it at his head. He reeled back in surprise. The picture frame had cut him a tiny bit across his temple.

"DID YOU JUST THROW SOMETHING AT ME YOUNG MAN?" yelled Darry.

"Okay, maybe talking isn't the best idea right now." Said Soda nervously. He seemed to have appeared there quickly, as if by magic. I lunged for Darry.

"Let me at him!" I screamed. I jumped on a shocked Darry and socked him in the face, I think it had more of an effect on my hand than Darry's face. Soda grabbed me under the arms and hauled me up the stairs. Darry was still sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. He hadn't moved. Maybe I was stronger than I thought… Soda hauled me right up on to the bed. He slammed the door behind us.

"Why in the hell are y'all punching each other? Have you lost your marbles?" said Soda who was now pacing the room. I was too tired and my face hurt too much for me to respond. So I walked into the bathroom and took a nice long, warm shower, rinsing all the mud off. I put on my boxers and rolled onto the bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

When I woke up, Soda was talking to himself in his sleep. He had one arm draped over me protectively. I wriggled out from under him and hobbled into the kitchen. The clock read 3:15. I peeked outside and it was still dark out so it must be the morning. I couldn't sleep and needed to clear my head. I walked back silently into the room and pulled on some pants and found a t-shirt draped over the chair. I sniffed it. _Oh well, it's clean enough, I thought._ I pulled white socks out of the drawer and slipped them on. Then I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I laced up my sneakers and buttered some toast and ate it for breakfast. I scribbled a note to Darry and Soda: _Be back soon, couldn't sleep. Went for a run. _I pulled open the door and stood on the pavement. I breathed deeply. Fresh air. I turned to my right and began to run, my feet hitting the ground in an almost musical pattern.

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><p><strong>Hope ya liked it! See ya later!<strong>

**Review to prove your Loyalty!**

**~Songbook12**

**Review if you want some Ponyboy/Cherry action!**

**-Clara-bear6**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Running was a bad idea. I think I got to the fifth mile and stopped at the side of the road to puke. I was very dehydrated, obviously. I was stumbling around, sweat pouring into my eyes. Boy, I _really _need to work out more. I was closer to the Socs side of town so I ran to Cherry's house. "Hey, Cherry." I said trying to be casual. She plugged her nose.

"My God, what were you doing, fooling around with a skunk?" she said, trying not to gag. "Mike isn't home, go upstairs and take a shower. I'll give you one of his old t-shirts. He won't mind. First door on your right." She said pointing up the stairs.

"Thank you. Oh, towels, where would they be?" I said gratefully.

"In the closet next to the bathroom." She said, backing away. I took the stairs two at a time, I needed to get home before Darry and Soda woke up. For what seemed like the fifth time that day, I took yet another shower. Everything was soaked through with sweat. I came out of the bathroom smelling _much better._ I felt better too. I was looking down and ran right into Cherry who was holding Mike's clothes waiting for me to change. I was strong and the force of me running into her knocked her into the wall. Well almost. I caught her by the waist just in time. I twirled her around pulled her close to me. She was leaning on me, head against my bare chest. Her cheeks turned bright red. "Well I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you like that." she said, backing up to pick up the clothes. She picked up the shirt and unfolded it. She slid her hand down my arm and picked up my hand and slipped it through the sleeve. She walked behind me and did the same thing to my right hand. She placed one hand firmly on my chest and slowly circled me if she was the ringmaster in a circus. With slow, steady steps she closed the space between us. She grab the bottom end of the shirt and slowly buttoned it up, not taking her eyes off of mine.

"You know I think it's sexy when you try and dress me." I whispered mischievously. She slapped my arm playfully. She stood on her tiptoes and gave me a soft, intimate kissed. I pushed her against the wall and kissed back. I could stay here like this forever. She wrapped her legs around me and I kissed her harder.

After about five minutes Cherry whispered against my lips, "You better stop now because if we don't stop now I don't think I ever will. I love you Ponyboy." She said, opening her eyes. "But don't you have somewhere you have to be?"

"This is the only place I want to be, holding the love of my life." I said seriously. She planted once last kiss on my lips.

"Alright Pony, I'll walk with you back to your place." She said pushing me away and putting her feet on the ground. I started to walk down the stairs but she grabbed my arm and I turned around. "Forgetting something?" she asked while playfully dangling my pants in the air.

"Oh. I guess I'm so crazy about you that I forget to wear pants." I said with a smile. I took them from her and pulled them on. I scooped her up in my arms in one fluid motion and ran out the door. We were both laughing like crazy and I put her down gently. She ran back up the front stairs and locked the door and then skipped back to me. She grabbed my hand and gazed at me, her eyes glowing with happiness and I'm sure mine were glowing too. We started our walk at a relaxed pace. Out of nowhere came a drunk Socs and he grabbed Cherry and flipped open his blade.

"Oh what a pretty little thing." He slurred. "It would be such a shame if someone gave her a nasty little scar." He said, skimming her face and neck with the edge of his switchblade.

"Get your grubby little fingers off of my girlfriend, you animal!" I raged. I lost it. I grabbed his hand with the blade and twisted it. I karate chopped it and heard a loud crack. He withered and howled with pain beneath my grasp. I knew I broke his arm. But I didn't stop there. I picked him up and slammed him on the ground. More howls. He looked at me with wide eyes holding his arm. He was cornered so I punch him square in the nose. Another crack and a symphony of howls. Blood sprayed out of his now crooked nose like a fountain. I kicked him and punched him some more. He cried out again, making me shake at the haunting sounds of his wails. "You better not even do so much as look in her direction again, you hear me?" I said, my voice shaking with anger.

"Yes sir." He responded. His eyes were clouded over with anger and pain.

"Good." I said coldly. I straightened up and looked at Cherry who was crying, silent tears slipping down her face. "Cherry, what's wr-?"

"Ponyboy, duck!" she interrupted.

"Wha-?" I stopped midsentence when I whirled around and saw the injured man charging at me, blade extended. His left arm was hanging limp and useless at his side. Before I could react, he thrust his blade into my side. I couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't see anything but pain. Couldn't feel anything but the burning at my side, taking over my senses. Again, he raised the blade up and thrust it into me, this time, my stomach. Once more, he raised the blade up. He dug it into my other side. Then, he took his switchblade and dug it into the wound on my stomach and twisted it around.

"Yes sir my ass." He said his eyes cold and unfeeling. Then he ran. Cherry wailed with despair and fear. She dropped to her knees.

"Ponyboy! Ponyboy! My sweet Ponyboy, stay awake. Stay with me. You'll be okay." I knew I had to be brave for her. This was, after all, the life I had to get used to living. This stuff happens all the time, right?

"Hey baby," I said through gritted teeth, "I'm sorry to ruin our walk. But I need you to do one thing for me."

"Anything." She said, still sobbing.

"I'm gonna need you to help me stand up. If I tell you to stop or if I cry out, just keep going. Are you ready?" I said, trying to hold it together.

"Okay, I can do that." She said between sobs. She pulled me halfway onto her lap and grabbed my arms. "Okay, here we go." I put my feet flat on the ground and she pulled. Hard. I felt like all of my organs were about to fall out. Through hard work, she finally had me on my feet. I was trying to not scream out by biting my tongue. I leaned against the wall behind us.

"Thanks Cherry." I said breathlessly. I kissed her forehead. I looked around and realized that we were a block away from my house. Blood was staining Mike's shirt red. "Shoot, I'm sorry Cherry, I ruined Mike's shirt."

"Oh who the hell cares about the freaking shirt?" she said. I smiled.

"The good news is that we're only a block away from my house. The bad news is that we have to walk there." I said with a strangled laugh. And away we went, we were quite a sight walking together. I was bent over and bleeding, leaning heavily on Cherry, and Cherry was out of breath trying to hold me up. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair was in tangles. A few spots of blood speckled her dress that had dripped from me. We made it to the door and I pushed it open, it was always unlocked. She led me to the couch and we both collapsed onto it. I wanted to stay like that but she insisted that I get stitched up. The clock read seven in the morning and no one else was up yet. I struggled to my feet by myself. I climbed two flights of stairs. I felt like I was going to die. I made it to the room Soda and I shared where he was still sleeping. I shook him awake. "Hey, Soda. I might need your assistance." I whispered. His eyes opened lazily.

"Oh hey Ponyboy! Jesus freaking Christ!" he said, suddenly awake. "You're bleeding all over the place." He stood up and lifted up my shirt and saw the three stab wounds. "For fuck's sake!" he cried out. "Every time I see you, you have some new near death experience." He said pulling me into the bathroom. I sat on the toilet seat. He pulled off my shirt. He took the needle and thread we typically use to patch up our clothes and started stitching up the first wound. Cherry came running up the stairs a few moments later. She sat with me while Soda stitched me up. I felt much better when he was done, I no longer felt as if my organs were going to fall out. I leaned my head against the bathroom wall, my head spinning from the pain of the last two hours. Soda pulled me gently to my feet and helped me get down the stairs, Cherry following close behind. I sat down on the couch again. Cherry sat next to me and put her head on my heaving chest. Soda went into the icebox and pulled out three slices of chocolate cake. "Family tradition." Soda explained when Cherry gave him a funny look. He passed around the slices. "Explain." He said. So I started from last night.


	6. Chapter 6

I took that opportunity to stand up and take everyone's plates off of the coffee table. I froze and dropped the plates, pain ripping through my body. _Fuck_. "Ponyboy! Take it easy god damn it!" yelled Soda as he stood and dragged me back to the couch for the millionth time this week. "Don't think you're getting off easy. I'll finish my interrogation right after I clean this shit up." He said. Cherry bent down next to the couch and tried to stretch my legs across her lap. I moaned and folded them against my chest. She rubbed her hand across my calf.

"I'm sorry baby." She whispered. "Sleep. I'll be back tomorrow." She said, pulling a blanket over me. I fell asleep in an instant.

…

My eyes flew open in a panic, reliving the events of this morning. I was drenched in sweat and my throat burned as if I had been screaming for a long time. "Pony, you're okay, you're safe." Soothed a voice. "You were having one of those dreams again. Here, take these." Said the voice again. It was Darry. He pushed two little white pills into my hand and then pressed a cold beer into the other. I looked at him in confusion. "It's okay, the pills are just Aspirin. The beer will calm your nerves." He explained. I popped the pills into my mouth and chased them with a long swig of alcohol. I sighed, feeling refreshed, and settled back against my pillow. Darry took the drink from my hands and took a swig for himself.

"Hey Darry? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be working?" I asked, my voice slurred with sleep.

"Nah, I took the day off." He said.

"That's nice." I whispered, already drifting back to sleep.  
>"Hey, what happened this morning?" he asked tentatively.<p>

"Nothing, Soc tried to hurt Cherry and I handled it." I said.

"Pony, were you hurt?" he asked.

"Sorta but I'm fine now." I said.

"Ponyboy what happened?"

"Ah screw it." I sat up and tugged the blanket off of me.

"Fuck! Who the hell did this to you? I'm going to rip their fucking heads off!" he screamed after looking at my stitched-up torso, punching the wall behind me.

"Darry…" I started.

"Don't! Don't talk to me! I... I... I gotta go." He said, becoming unreadable. I closed my eyes as the door slammed. I sighed, letting out a breath of air. I hobbled into the kitchen and threw open the refrigerator door, finding exactly what I was looking for. A cold, brand-new six-pack of beer. I grabbed one greedily and popped the top off with my teeth. It was gone in seconds. I reached for another. That one was gone sooner than the first. After the second, I began to feel a slight buzz. When I popped the top off of the third one, I took a second to feel the weight of the cool glass bottle before throwing it back. Before I knew it, I had drunk the third beer too. I felt sluggish and uncoordinated, my movements out of control. I began to stand, knocking at least two pictures off of the wall. I trudged down the road for five miles until I reached the red door of Cherry's house. I barged right in. Cherry jumped up from the couch where she was sitting on while reading her book.

"Cherry." I said.

"Ponyboy, are you okay?" I said.

"Just fine." I said, my words slurring together.

"Ponyboy! You're drunk! Again. I can't handle this anymore!" she yelled.

"C'mon baby. You know I love you. Show me you love me. Right now." I said while roughly grabbing Cherry by the waist. I lazily slid my hand up her thigh as she wriggled under my grasp.

"No! You remember what happened last time we did this." She said, rubbing her stomach softly. "Can we at least talk about what happened?" she said softly.

"No! I just can't right now! There's too much going on for me right now!" I screamed.

"Is that what you want me to tell this child when he asks why he doesn't have a father? That his father had too much going on? That he was too "busy" for us? That he was too busy drinking to care?" She screamed back, crying now. She starting pounding her fists against my chest angrily. "Get out! Get out! I don't want you here!" she screamed again.

"How dare you accuse me of being a drunk and not being able to support a family! How dare you! You don't think I want to be a part of this child's life? I have been here through everything with you and you with me! You don't know how fucking hard I work every day! You wouldn't anyway, everything is given to you! You don't want me to be in your life anymore, is that it? Well wish granted, you ungrateful little bitch!" I snarled. "Go find someone else to put up with your shit! Someone who wants to be a father at almost fifteen years old!" I yelled behind me as I slammed the door. _What did I just do?_ I heard heart-wrenching sobs coming from inside. I didn't turn around. Instead I went to Jay's.

Jay's was the sleaziest, most disgusting bar in the world where the worst people hung out. Jay's also had the cheapest drinks and no one cared how old you were. So I ordered shot after shot and beer after beer. I groaned and laid my head down on the bar. I was in the middle of my third beer and my fifth shot when I started to feel sleepy. I had already had those three beers before I came here. I dropped the beer onto the bar and it spilled everywhere. I couldn't see straight anymore. Then everything went black.

I woke up, my head pounding. I groggily opened my eyes and squinted against the light. I was still at Jay's. My stomach turned and I scrambled to the bathroom. I just reached the toilet just in time to violently empty the contents of my stomach into this little basin. I sat there, barfing, for a solid five minutes. Once I finished, I leaned against the stall door, shaking. Sweat was beading across my forehead. I tried to wipe it away but my arm buckled. I smiled despite myself. _Happy birthday to me. _I am officially fifteen. I struggled to my feet and stumbled around and out the door of the bar, passing some Greasers on the way. Sharp daggers of pain shot through my head with each jarring step I took. The loud shouting and fighting of the other Greasers made my headache even worse. I had to stop once more to puke on the side of the road. _Ugggh. I'm never drinking again. _I walked home, dreading what was to come. I stumbled up the stairs and into the house to find two very angry men. Soda and Darry jumped to their feet when I entered. Soda come over and slammed me against the wall. _Soda_ did! "Knock it off Soda, I have a raging headache." I yawned.

"Have you been drinking young man?" yelled Soda.

"Yeah. But who cares, it's my birthday." I said, waving him off.

"I don't even know you anymore!" Soda said backing away from me, repulsed.

"Soda, come here." Darry demanded. "Ponyboy, we have something to tell you. Sodapop and I have been looking into reform schools for you. If you don't knock this shit off and clean up your act right now, you're going to this school right here." He said, handing me a brochure. I laughed and they looked at me with shocked expressions. They thought that I would sober right up when I saw that brochure. Well I knew something they didn't.

"Ha! You can't do that. I have a family of my own now." I said blandly.

"What?" Soda said, already knowing the answer.

"Yep. Guess who's going to be a father in eight months." I said with a sad, still kind of drunk smile.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven **

"Ponyboy, tell me you were just joking." Soda said worriedly.

"Nope, it's true." I said grimly.

"It makes so much sense now." Darry whispered. I pushed past both of the shocked men, right to the medicine cabinet. I swallowed two Advil's and grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I chugged the water down greedily. I put my glass in the sink and leaned against the counter. All I could think about was Cherry and all of the hurtful things I said to her. I shuffled to the bathroom and took a nice, long shower. After that, I brushed my teeth and threw on a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt. When I came out of the bathroom, Darry and Soda were still standing in the same spots, whispering furiously between themselves. I went to push past them but I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. I stopped but didn't turn around.

"I want you to know that Darry and I are both here for you. We're sorry that you weren't able to talk to us sooner." Said Soda quietly. I pushed his hand off.

"Thanks." I said before walking out the door. I made the long walk to Cherry's house and took a deep breath before knocking. When I knocked, no one answered right away so I thought that no one was home.

I was about to walk away until I heard someone call, "Come in." softly from inside. I walked inside and saw Cherry curled up the same couch as last night.

"Hey." I said quietly. "Is it okay if I sit here?" I asked, pointing next to her. She nodded and I sat down. "Cherry, I just wanted to start by apologizing. I was a drunk asshole last night and I said some awful things that I shouldn't have." I started.

"It was hurtful but I understand. If you don't want to be a part of my life or this child's life then I don't want to force you to be. I'm glad you told me though." She said sadly.

"Baby, you've got it all wrong. I love you more than anything in the world. Creating this child was one of the best moments in my life even though we didn't mean to create it. Yes, I am going to be a young father, but that doesn't change anything. I will still love you and this child with every fiber of my being. We will have our ups and downs but I still love you Cherry." I said.

"Thank you." She said. "It's going to take me a while to forgive you fully but I'm willing to work towards it. I know there was some truth behind what you were saying last night." After a while, she said, "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know, there are benefits to both." I said, not really sure. We talked and bickered about the potential future of our unborn child all afternoon until we heard someone stomp up the stairs to the front porch.

"That's Mike." Cherry hissed. "He wasn't very happy about our fight last night." She said before the door swung open. We separated ourselves as Mike stomped in the room.

Mike yelled, "You!" when he saw me. "You aren't a Soc and you never will be!" he yelled. "I will allow you to stay in Cherry's life but not as one of us. The ceremony is tonight." He said before storming past me and out the back door. I looked at Cherry and her eyes were wide with fear. She was remembering the night that I was initiated into the Socs. That was the night that I said I was going out with Dally but never actually went to the bar with him. Instead, I came to this part of town and became one of the Socs and was beat up real bad. Mike said that I had to become a Soc if I wanted to stay in Cherry's life. Now he was saying the opposite. I guess it was better this way if none of the Greasers knew I had become a Soc. I'm so confused.

Cherry started to cry. "Shh, baby, it'll be okay." I said before kissing her on the forehead.

"Why does he have to do this?" she cried. "I hate him!" she choked.

"C'mon now. I know you don't mean that." I said. "I'll be okay, you'll be okay." I said, mostly trying to convince myself. "I gotta go though. I'll see you tomorrow." I said hopefully before running home. I needed time to prepare myself for this thing. I reached my house and slammed the door behind me, panicking now.

I ran right into Dally. "Hey man. Congrats." He slurred. "I hope you fucked her nice." He said, his words blending together. Yep, definitely drunk. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind him. He yelped in surprise.

"Don't ever talk about Cherry like that again." I growled smoothly.

"Oh you don't like that?" he teased, untwisting his arm from my grip and kicking my feet out from under me, knocking me to the ground. He continued to say nasty things about Cherry as I struggled against his hands that were pinning me to the ground. I wrestled him around the living room until Two-Bit sauntered in.

"Hey the kid's alive!" He said with a lazy smile. A drunk Dally finally rolled off of me with one last shove and I jumped to my feet and tackled Two-Bit.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not a kid anymore!" I yelled. He laughed but then grunted when my elbow dug into his stomach. I had him pinned for a while but then he flipped me over and had me pinned. In the process, his elbow slipped and hit me in the stomach. I groaned in pain and sat up, clenching my stomach.

"Sorry man, I forgot." He said, extending his hand to help me up.

"Thanks." I panted.

"Lemme see." Two-Bit said. I sighed and took off my shirt. Two-Bit winced at the sight of the deep, pink scars on my torso. "Tough enough." He said with a smile.

Dally stumbled into the picture with a beer in his hand. "Niiiiiiiiiiiiice." He slurred, jostling my arm roughly, spilling beer everywhere. He looked at his mess and shrugged and then walked away. I laughed. I looked at the clock on the wall and it said five. Shoot. The ceremony was at seven. I took my time getting ready and getting dressed. I even wore my favorite black T-shirt. I had to look nice in case I died tonight. By the time I was done it was already six. I sat down at my desk and wrote the hardest letter of my life to my brothers. My will and where to find my body if I didn't come back. It might be a little dramatic but if I died, that shit is important. On the back I wrote my apologies and my goodbyes. I don't feel that it truly shares my real feelings but it will have to do. It's already six- thirty. I grabbed a sweatshirt and ran out the door. The humid summer air hit me strongly. I took a few steps back to enjoy the cool air-conditioning. I looked back at my little house and walked down the drive, to the old warehouse five miles away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

I took a breath and pushed open the sad little rusty excuse for a door. It was pitch black when I walked in. I looked around but saw no one. "He... Hel... Hello?" I stammered. Still no response. I ventured further into this creepy place that I've been to only once before. All of a sudden, the sounds of drunken laughter burst throughout the room and the door swung open, letting a little sunlight in. I let out a small scream in surprise.

"Ah the little pussy came early! Excellent." Mike said with a wicked smile. He had two other guys with him who I didn't know. They all formed a semicircle around me and backed me up against the wall. They all reeked with the scent of alcohol. _It would be easier to fight them this time, I thought._

"What's the matter, little guy?" they sneered. The Soc on the left threw the first punch. I winced but kept my head up, I couldn't show any pain.

"Why don't we give him a drink Mikey? He needs to loosen up a little." Said the Soc who punched me. _Wait what?_

"Yeah, good idea." Mike said. He pushed the beer bottle in his hand to mine. I didn't see him come in with it.

"No thanks, I'm good." I said.

"I insist." Mike pressed.

"No!" I yelled, swinging the bottle at his face. He caught my hand, took the bottle, and broke it over my head. My head lolled back involuntarily and I collapsed on the ground, barely conscious.

"Get him up!" barked Mike. The two other Socs yanked me off the ground, causing me to moan. "I told you to take a sip." Mike said. All of a sudden, he pulled gun out of the waistband of his stupid khaki pants. All three of them laughed loudly.

"No, no. Please no." I whispered, the pounding in my head getting worse.

"Oh yes." Mike slurred. "Three shots." He said, stumbling around a little. I began to thrash around, my adrenaline kicking in.

"Let. Me. GO!" I roared. Someone's foot connected with the back of my knee, bringing me to a kneeling position. Someone grabbed my hair roughly, pulling my head back.

"No more antics from you." Said one of the guys behind me.

"This isn't fair. No guns were supposed to be involved." I pleaded. 

Mike laughed and backed up a couple steps. "To make it fair." He explained. He raised the gun.

"I hate you." I spat. The gun went off, missing me by only a couple inches.

"One." The grip on my hair tightened from behind. _BANG!_ An unexplainable pain ripped through my left shoulder. I screamed with pain, writhing around in agony. I felt something warm trickle down my arm. Silent tears started to pour down my face. I don't want to die, not today.

"Two." Mike said, still completely emotionless. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. So this was it.

"NO!" roared a voice. BANG! I opened my eyes just in time to see a body fly in front of me, acting as a shield. The person let out an animal-like groan and collapsed to the ground in a heap. They look familiar.

"DARRY!" I screamed, my words echoing off the metal walls around me. I lost it. I twisted turned, punched, kicked, bit, and thrashed my way to freedom. I was on my feet and running towards my fallen brother.

"I'm warning you, stay back." Mike said. I ignored him and kept going. "Have it your way." BANG! Another shot went off, tearing through my right knee. I screamed out and fell to the ground paralyzed with pain. "Let's go guys." Mike said. I heard footsteps and then silence. I army-crawled my way to Darry.

"Darry? Darry? Are you okay? Say something!" I sobbed, my despair overwhelming me. I reached Darry and rolled him over. There was blood everywhere. He moaned loudly and I hugged him. "You're alive! Oh thank god." I cried. "How'd you find me?" I questioned.

"Found. Note." He wheezed.

"Oh no. Why did you do that? You hate me." I whispered. He flinched.

"No Ponyboy, I love you." he said before passing out cold.

"Fuck! No Darry, c'mon." I begged. I had to get him to the hospital. He'd been shot in the stomach, much worse than the knee or the shoulder. I scooted backwards to the door slowly and painfully with only one arm and one leg. I dragged myself up, struggling to keep my emotions at bay. _C'mon Ponyboy, only a couple more miles, I thought_. I felt bad for leaving Darry alone but I had to get help. And, if someone found him before I got home, he would have a better chance of getting that help. Hopefully. I found a long walking stick on the side of the road and used it to support myself but I didn't get very far. Finally, I heard the sound of a car behind me. Someone got out of the car.

"Hey man. Do you need a ride? You're hurt real bad buddy." He said. I nodded.

"I need a ride home" I said, pain taking over again.

"Here." The stranger said, walking to my side. He half dragged, half carried me to the car. I straightened my bad leg and lowered myself to get in the car. I sat down heavily, jarring my shoulder in the process. I inhaled sharply and black spots danced in front of my eyes.

"Well shit." I said simply, breathing hard. The stranger smiled at me.

"You're not so bad kid." Said the guy who was now in the front seat. "The name's Randy." He said.

"Ponyboy." I responded. Randy started the car.

"Where to?" he asked. I directed him using an odd system of pointing and nodding my head. I saw my house and almost cried. I opened the car with my good arm and started to get out. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Take it easy man." Randy said, getting out to help me. He knocked on the door for me. I suddenly felt very weak and sleepy. Two-Bit opened the door.

"He- What the fuck? Ponyboy you're all shot up! What the- get in here!" he said, obviously worried. He wrapped his arm around me. I winced and gasped. "Sorry man." He said before turning to Randy. "Thanks for bringing him home." he said before slamming the door in his face. "Hey Soda! Get your ass in here right now!" said a very panicked Two-Bit.

I shook my head. "Not important. Darry. In trouble. Old. Warehouse." I sputtered before letting sleep take over and succumbing to the pain. I felt as if I was falling and then my world went black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Sunlight poured in even through my closed eyelids. _Ah! Too bright!_ I groaned and raised my hand to shield my eyes. "Hey buddy." Said a very shaken Sodapop. His eyes were sunken and red, his hair a mess, and it doesn't look like he's changed his clothes in days. Something was different about him, broken even.

I sat up. "Ow." I grumbled, rubbing the back of my head.

"Yeah you hit your head pretty hard when you passed out." He said. _Passed out? What?_ I thought a little harder. Suddenly, memories rushed into my mind, unwanted or not.

"Darry." I gasped. Soda's eyes filled with tears and a strangled cry escaped his throat. "Where's Darry?" I said, panicking.

"Ponyboy, I'm so sorry." He whispered. I began to cry. My cries escalated into gut-heaving, mind numbing sobs. Soda walked to the bed and slid me over a little before climbing in the bed and lying next to me. I cuddled up to his chest and accepted his warm arms around me. "All my fault. It was all my fault." I sobbed with guilt.

"Shh… No it wasn't. You know that." He said, still crying.

"All. My. Fault." I wheezed, unable to catch my breath.

"No, it wasn't" he soothed. I just cried harder and Soda sat there doing the same. My tears suddenly dried up and I just stared blankly at the wall, feeling only emptiness. "Darry knew what he was doing. It could've been you instead. You know he would've done that a million times over for any one of us."

"I didn't say it back. He didn't know. Now he'll never know." I whispered.

"Didn't say what? Never know what?" Soda asked, looking confused.

"That I loved him." I gushed, the tears starting again.

"Oh honey, he knows." Soda said, his chin quivering. "I know it too." He said quietly.

"All I ever told him was how much I hated him. What he did wrong. Not once did I say I loved him. Not once." I said, my head and my heart weighing a million pounds.

"That's bullshit. You didn't have to say it but he knew it. That's why he did what he did what he did. You know Darry, he won't do shit for people that don't love and respect him." He insisted but somehow his words made my heart heavier.

"I wanna go home Soda." I whispered, my voice quavering.

"They wanna keep you overnight but I'll be here as early as possible to pick you up." Soda said. I just nodded my head in response. Soda wrapped me in a tight hug. "Visitor hours are ending. They won't let me stay here overnight. I'll see ya tomorrow buddy." Soda said, his voice cracking, before walking away and out the door. I looked at my hands and noticed that my right leg was bandaged and my left arm was in a sling. A nurse came in a little while later to offer me something to eat, which I refused. I had completely lost my appetite. I did take the pain pills that she offered me though. She changed my bandages, patted my arm, and left. Finally, I was alone. I settled into my pillows and closed my eyes. I waited for the pain to hit me but it never did. I just felt empty. And tired. So, I just let myself sleep. That was the only place that I could escape.

...

_Home._ It used to be one of my favorite places. Now, it seemed more like a prison. I wasn't allowed to move around a lot and everything in this damn house reminded me of Darry. The picture frame that I threw at his head, his old room, the spot by the front door where he would always leave his work boots. Even the littlest things… I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't think. It was like I had died too. I sat on this little couch and stared at the same thing all damn day. I didn't want to do anything. The doctors told me that I could probably never run track again. The bullet had shattered my knee. There was a constant pain where Mike's bullets had left his mark. Today was Darry's funeral. I sighed and decided that I should probably get ready. I grabbed my crutch and hobbled to the bathroom and took the most difficult shower of my life. I couldn't get any of my casts wet. I didn't really try with my appearance. I put on the black suit that I had from three years ago for my mom and dad's funeral. Apparently, every three years someone in our family died. I struggled to put the stupid outfit. It still fit nicely. I haven't grown much. I sighed and hobbled downstairs to meet Sodapop.

Soda came bursting through the door just in time. "You ready to go?" he asked. I shrugged. "Are you going to say anything at the service?" Soda asked. I shrugged again. "Are you okay?" I shrugged my shoulders for the third time. "I swear to god if you shrug your shoulders one more time I am going to have to kill you." He said. I winced. It was too soon to mention anything about killing or death. "Too soon?" Soda asked, confirming my thoughts. I just nodded. He reached out to help me into the car but I shrugged him off.

"I got it." I whispered. I wanted to do one thing for myself. Hurt flashed across his face but he shook it off and fake smiled.

"Ok." He said. _Were things always going to be this awkward from now on? _Soon we were both in the truck and driving to the funeral home. While Soda, attended to some last minute details for the service, I decided that I would go back and wait in the sitting area. My legs were starting to ache. I sat down and winced as I rubbed my legs.

"Ponyboy." Someone said and I looked up. It was Cherry.

"What do you want?" I snarled. I couldn't help but notice her bulging stomach. She was starting to show.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay." She said, her eyes filling with tears.

"Well I'm not, okay? Just go away." I said before getting up and walking away. She followed me.

"Ponyboy!" she said.

"God damn it! I told you to leave me alone!" I yelled.

"Why don't you want my help?" she said, her bottom lip quivering.

"WHY? WHY? You wanna know WHY? This is all your fault! Look at me! Look at the place we're in! My brother is dead, my future is ruined, and I can't do shit anymore! I can't even figure out how to comfort my own brother who is hurting just as much as me! None of this would've happened if you would've kept your mouth shut! You can't even sort out your own problems! Look what happened! I hate you! I hate you! Just leave me alone!" I screamed. Her face fell with each word and tears started pouring down her face before I was even halfway through my rant.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. You need someone right now and-" she started.

"I don't need anyone! I hate you!" I said, raising my hand in the air. Someone stepped in between Cherry and I.

"Whoa man, calm down." Surprisingly, it was Johnny. The Johnny I know would never have the balls to stop any argument. "What are you doing? You were about to hit her! I don't even know you anymore!" Johnny said angrily.

"You're not the only one." Cherry said from behind him before turning and running away, sobbing loudly.

"Come here." Johnny said pulling me into a hug. Sometimes it's hard to remember that Johnny is older than me. I cried harder into his shoulder. "This is a bad time for all of us. Especially for you and Soda. But that doesn't give you the right to go around hitting people. Especially not women. Ya know?" Johnny said softly.

"It's just so hard sometimes." I cried. "To see Soda hurt so much, to live with the fact that my brother is dead and he died without ever knowing how much I loved him, to be so useless? I just can't do it anymore." I sobbed. "I just want it all to end." I told him. He looked at me in shock and shook his head.

"Don't say that. I couldn't stand to lose another Curtis." He said, punching my shoulder affectionately. "Now let's go back in. The service is about to start." He said.

…

I sat alone, locked in my room, beer strewn around. Soda had stayed later at that damned funeral home but I ran home right after. I had had about three beers. I took out my switchblade and flipped it open with shaking hands. The service had been hard on me. Tears were clouding my vision and the beer was clouding my judgment. I slid the switchblade slowly down my wrist, enjoying the stinging pain. I watched as the blood trickled down my arm. I relished in the pain and the sting. Sometimes you just had to be reminded that you were actually alive.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Soda's P.O.V:**

I dragged my feet through the door, every step even more exhausting than the last. I tugged at my tie to loosen it. The funeral had taken a lot out of me. I was even more scared for the future. How was _I_ supposed to provide for what was left of our little family? Steve came in behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Soda, you look exhausted. Go to sleep. I'll take care of the kid." He said. I shook my head no.

"I'll check on Ponyboy. Can you find some beers?" I asked and Steve eyes filled with…relief?

"Deal." Said Steve before he hurried to the kitchen. I took off my shoes and trudged up the stairs and pushed open the door to the room I shared with Ponyboy. I walked through the door. _Ow, ouch! _Something was stabbing my foot. I looked down and saw shards of glass scattered everywhere. _Oh no, _I thought. I let my eyes follow the trail of glass to a very distraught young man. He was staring blankly at the wall, looking so innocent and small with his cast and his knee brace. His eyes were dark and unfeeling. His face, on the other hand, was twisted with pain and sorrow, silent tears falling from his hard eyes. Next to him lay a bloody switchblade. I glanced at his wrist, blood dripping from three deep horizontal slits that I knew Ponyboy had created himself. Blood seeped into the carpet. I ran to my little brother, shaking his shoulders and getting no response. "Ponyboy!" I yelled. Still nothing. I would've thought that he was dead if it wasn't for the tears still flowing freely down his face. I started to yell and scream random profanities at him just to get a response. Anything. A smile, a blink, a twitch. Steve came running into the room. I was fully awake now.

"Shit man! Soda! What is going on?" he asked.

"I-I…I don't know!" I stammered in a panic. "I came up here and he was like this and he's not responding, oh god!" I blubbered, not being able to control myself.

"Okay, first thing's first." Steve directed. "Take a deep breath. He'll be fine. He's just in shock. There's a lot of shit in his life right now and this sent him over the edge. This has been hard on all of us." Steve soothed. Wow, for once in his life, Steve was actually making sense. I took a deep breath like he said. "Good. Now he'll come around. We just need to make him more comfortable. You take him into the bathroom and clean him up while I clean up the mess in this room." I nodded and tried to stay calm. I picked Ponyboy up like a baby and he didn't even bat an eye. I carried him out of the messy room to safety, away from the glass and his switchblade. I set him on the bathroom floor and he just sat there, still unmoving. I sighed and pulled out the hydrogen peroxide and laid a towel under Ponyboy's arm before pouring a shit load of it on those awful cuts. I felt Ponyboy flinch and I sighed in relief.

"Thank god." I cried, ruffling his hair in affection. I grabbed some gauze and wrapped it around his wrist and taped it down securely, blood already starting to seep through the material. I saw glass stuck in Pony's hands and picked it out. He still hadn't moved. I pushed his face towards me with my hand. "C'mon. You need to eat something." I insisted. Pony didn't say anything. I sighed and called to Steve. "Hey Steve, is it clean in there yet?" I asked.

"Not even close!" he called back. I sighed. "Put him in Darry's room!" Steve suggested. I had no choice but to do just that, no matter how much it hurt to be reminded of Darry. I picked Ponyboy up and laid him in Darry's bed, trying to think as little as possible. I adjusted Ponyboy's bad arm and his bad leg so that they were both propped up on a mountain of pillows before covering him with layers of warm blankets and pushed his hair out of his face.

"What are we going to do with you?" I sighed, conflicted. I took one last glance at him before walking out of the room. Steve met me in the hallway.

"The glass is cleaned up. I just have to get those blood stains out of the carpet." I nodded, my exhaustion begging to be noticed.

"Thank you so much." I said. He nodded and furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

"Yeah, it's no problem but I'm worried about you. You don't look so good." He said. "Go lay down." He said. I nodded weakly, feeling dizzy and clammy. I took a step and my knees buckled, bringing me to the ground. Steve rushed forward, helping me up. I was out of breath. He helped me walk to my room and sit in the bed. I curled in a ball, not feeling good at all. He pulled the covers back before covering me with them once I was comfortable. "Seriously man, get some sleep." He said, serious this time. I nodded and drifted off to sleep without a second thought.

I woke up, my head pounding. I groaned out loud. My stomach was in knots. Surprisingly, Steve was still right there. "Whoa man, take it easy!" he said, sitting up from the chair he was in.

"I don't feel so hot." I admitted. "I think I'm gonna-" Steve pushed a trash can in front of me just as I vomited violently. I sat back, panting. "Sorry." I said, embarrassed. "I'll get that later." I assured him.

"No, you're sick. Stay here. I'll handle it and I'll be fine." He said. The look on his face said just the opposite as he eyed the trash can. I nodded weakly.

"Thanks. I owe you big time." I said and Steve smiled before walking out of the door. I used all of my strength to roll onto my other side. My head was pounding and there was a sharp, burning pain in my abdomen. I winced and then relaxed, still out of breath. I fell in and out of a feverish sleep before Steve returned with things in his hand.

"Here. Take these." He told me, shoving two pills in my hand followed by a glass of water. My throat was dry and it burned to swallow those two little pills. I leaned forward but the pain in my side caused me to cry out and for my body to lurch back against the pillows. "Whoa, slow down! You okay?" he asked. I nodded slowly before shutting my eyes again. "Do you want anything to eat?" he questioned. My stomach flipped at the mention of food and I had to swallow back the vomit rising in my throat.

"No thanks." I whispered, curling in to a ball and pressing on my stomach to ease some of the pain but with no luck. I heard him sigh and lean back into his chair. About ten minutes later, I felt my stomach turn. "Steve! Bucket-" Was all I managed to get out before throwing up again. It went on like this for the next three hours. I was too weak to even wipe away the sweat on my forehead and push myself away from the edge of the bed. Still, the pain in my side persisted. It seemed to just get worse. I moaned out loud and grabbed my side. I hated being this vulnerable in front of Steve, no matter how much I needed the help.

"Okay Soda, this isn't normal. I'm taking you to the hospital. You've been throwing up every twenty minutes and you're very dehydrated." I groaned again and shook my head in protest but he ignored me. "Sit up." He commanded. I tried but almost passed out from the pain.

"I can't." I said. I was weak. Steve slowly pulled me into a sitting position and tugged a T-shirt over my head and pulled a pair of jeans over my legs as I slid my feet into my boots.

"We speak of that to no one." He said. I nodded my head in quick agreement. He flopped my arm over his neck and helped me stand up slowly. My knees buckled again and I fought to stay upright. Steve led me slowly down the stairs out the door one step at a time. We reached Steve's truck and he swung open the door. He half carried, half pushed me into the passenger's seat. I turned my head before I got into the cab of the truck and vomited again, my stomach feeling no relief. Steve looked like he might puke too but pushed me in the truck anyways. I felt him slam the car door and start the truck but couldn't see anything really. My vision was tunneling. I heard him call my name but I drowsily ignored him and let the darkness of sleep fill my mind, my head rolling back.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven **

**Steve's P.O.V****:**

I tried to put up a calm exterior but I was freaking out on the inside. I looked over at Soda who was slumped in his seat, his face twisted in pain. _He's not moving. He's not moving! _I realized. I poked his arm and shuddered. I poked him again. "Hey, hey Soda!" I called. Nothing. My thoughts of Soda already being dead disappeared when I saw his chest rise and fall. _Thank god, _I sighed. I sped to the hospital as fast as this damn car would go. This was Pony's fault. Ponyboy was so helpless and he was stressing Soda out.

_Oh shit! The kid!_ I just realized that I left Ponyboy at home. He was already cutting himself, god knows what he'll do next. _He can't be left alone! _Although Pony and I never really got along real well, I was still worried about him. He had a lot of shit on his plate right now. _Calm down, _I told myself. Before I knew it, we were parked at a spot close to the front entrance of the hospital. I jumped out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I opened Soda's door and picked him up carefully before kicking his door shut. I carried him fireman-style and placed him carefully in a chair before running to the nurse's desk a few feet away. "Lady, I need help. Something's wrong with my friend." I said, stepping aside so she could she Soda. She grabbed her walkie-talkie and called for immediate help. People came rushing through the door, right to Soda. They picked him up and dropped him gently onto the gurney. He looked so sick.

"Hey kid! Yeah you!" someone yelled at me. "Come here. What's wrong with this one?" they asked, nodding their heads towards Soda. I quickly went over the whole situation and make sure to explain how much pressure he was under. Maybe that was why he was like this. The nurse told me that they would have to run some immediate tests on Sodapop before she wheeled him away. I sighed loudly and ran my hand through my hair.

"Hey, does he have a guardian?" the nurse asked, interrupting my thoughts. I hesitated but then shook my head no. She raised her eyebrow at me suspiciously. "Alright, well, as long as you pay your bill, you'll be fine. Just fill out these papers for me." Said the nurse, pushing a mountain of forms towards me. I grabbed a pen and began filling them out. An hour later, I signed the last form and handed them back to the nurse before a doctor walked towards me.

"Steve Randall?" he asked, extending his hand.

I shook it, "Yes sir." I said.

"We ran some tests and discovered that your friend has appendicitis and requires immediate surgery." He informed me very bluntly. "He's awake now and is asking to see you. You can have five minutes before we have to put him under. He's in room 102." The doctor said before walking away. I ran to Soda's room. He was lying back against the pillows with his eyes closed. I started to laugh. _Appendicitis?_ I started to laugh even harder as I walked closer to Soda's room_. What a weird name for something._ I found room 102 and poked my head in, my laughter gone now. "Soda?" I whispered. His eyes snapped open. I walked closer and slapped his back. "You scared me." I chuckled.

"I'm sorry." He groaned, his hand still clenching his abdomen. "Thanks for everything Steve but I don't want you to have to wait around here for me. Go home and sleep. Or crash at my place." He said.

"Nope." I said. "I'm staying right here with you." I informed him.

"Steve…" he warned.

"No, no. I'm staying here." I said finally.

"Fine." He huffed. "How's Ponyboy?"

"Oh shit." I said out loud. I forgot about him again.

"Steve, what's wrong?" Soda asked.

"Nothing. Everything's fine. He's good." I lied. I still hadn't called Two-Bit. They must be giving Soda a lot of pain medication because he believed me.

"Good." Sodapop said before settling back into his pillow. "Thanks Steve." He said quietly. I was about to respond but the doctor came in.

"Young man, I'm afraid I need you to leave. We need to prep for surgery." He told me. I nodded reluctantly and patted Soda's arm before walking out the door to the nearest pay phone. I dialed Two-Bit's house and his mom answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hi, is Two-Bit there?" I asked.

"Surprisingly, yes. Hold on." She told me. I heard shouting and rustling and then Two-Bit's voice.

"What's up Steve?" he grumbled.

"Well I'm here at the hospital with Soda-" I started to say before Two-Bit cut me off.

"The hospital? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"It's a long story. I'll explain later. Everything is fine here. What's more important is Ponyboy." I said.

"Ponyboy?"

"Yes! Will you just shut up and listen?" I snapped. I heard an annoyed sigh if he were letting me continue so I did. "Pony's not in a good place. He's in shock and he's not eating or anything. And he's doing…other things. Since I had to leave with Soda, I completely forgot about him. I need you to go over there and make sure he's okay." I said.

"Alright, no problem. I'll bring Dally and Johnny too. Bye." He said before hanging up. I guess he wanted to get there fast. I hung the phone back up and went back to the waiting room. This was going to be a long night.

**Ponyboy's P.O.V:**

I felt someone shake me gently but refused to acknowledge them. "C'mon Pony, you need to wake up and eat something. Soda will have my ass if you don't. I kinda need that ya know." Two-Bit said. I knew I had to act normally and pretend nothing was wrong so I wouldn't worry anyone else. So, I forced a weak laugh.

"Why, so you can sit and watch Mickey Mouse marathons all day?" I teased.

"Well that, you little smart ass, but it's a lady charmer too." He said proudly. I opened one eye and shoved his shoulder.

"You wish." I scoffed. He opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off, "You need to stop talking because I have an awful headache." I complained, rubbing my throbbing temples.

"Suck it up, princess. That's the consequence of alcohol!" he informed me. "Come downstairs and eat something. I left Dally down there with only Johnny to stop him, God I knows what'll happen." He said, shuddering for effect. I grunted and struggled to sit up. Two-Bit laughed and grabbed my wrist to pull me upwards. I winced in pain, pulling my arm back and cradling it against my chest. There was a bandage over the spot that stung. That's odd, I don't remember putting that there. I knew what was under the bandage and I smiled with happiness. Those three cuts made me feel so… alive.

"Did you get a tattoo?" Two-Bit asked in disbelief. "Lemme see!" he shouted, grabbing my arm and pulling the bandage back before my still slightly intoxicated mind could react. He took one look and dropped my arm as if he were electrocuted. "You're cutting?" he asked, his voice shaking. I looked down but didn't say anything, confirming his fears. "Fuck!" he screamed, putting his hand through the drywall behind him. The sound of footsteps approaching caused me to break out of my train of thought.

"What's going on up here?" Johnny asked, looking between me, Two-Bit, and the hole in the wall.

"Nothing." I answered quickly, shooting Two-Bit a warning glare. Thankfully, he didn't say anything.

"Okay…" Johnny said awkwardly.

"Can you just pass me my sweatshirt?" I yawned. Johnny bravely crossed the room, stepping over mountains of books and dirty clothing, picked my track sweatshirt up off of the desk chair, and threw it at my face. "Gee thanks." I mumbled sarcastically. He shot me an innocent smile. I glared at him jokingly and then slid the sweatshirt over my head, letting it drape over my bad arm and sliding my good arm through. I sighed and swung my legs over the bed and stood on my good foot. I sat down quickly. "Whoa that was a head rush." I slurred dizzily. Two-Bit wordlessly handed me my crutch and I stood up again, stumbling drunkenly around the room and almost taking out a lamp.

"I can't watch this anymore." Sighed Two-Bit. "C'mon princess." He said, throwing me over his shoulder. I squirmed and yelled at him.

"Put me down right now!" I yelled but he ignored me and continued to walk down the stairs where he set me down gently. I faltered a little bit and Johnny went to grab my arm.

"NO!" I roared. "I can do this by myself." I said through gritted teeth. _Shit! _I shouldn't have said that because I realized that I dropped my crutch upstairs. I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, moving slowly towards the kitchen. I tripped and fell and Johnny went to reach for me again. "NO!" I screamed again. I whirled around and raised my fist to hit a shaking Johnny. Before I lost control, something very big stepped in front of Johnny.

"Don't. Touch him." Growled a raging Dally.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Dally's growl snapped me out of it and I did something I haven't done in a long time. I cried. No, not just crying, I broke into gut-wrenching, uncontrollable sobs that left me gasping for air. Dally's tough, intimidating expression broke into one of sheer horror. "Oh god, kid I'm so sorry. Oh no, there are tears. What do we do? Oh god, I can't be here. I can't be around when people… feel. I can't do this!" Dally said suddenly, pacing the room before flying out the door. Normally, Dally's reaction to tears would've been comical but I wasn't in the mood. Waves and waves of guilt, regret, and loss washed over me, pulling me deeper and deeper towards the point of no return. That dark, awful place I swore I would never go back to. Through my tears, I watched as my friends stood shell-shocked about what just happened. Two-Bit reached his hand out towards me cautiously.

"Please, don't touch me." I whimpered. "I need to be alone right now." I heaved, shuffling quickly out the door.

Two-Bit ran out after me. "Pony, don't do this. We want to help you. We need you!" he yells hysterically.

"Well I don't need you." I say coldly. Halfway down the stairs, I realized that I left my crutch upstairs. _Oh, screw it. It's too late now_.

I've been wandering the streets of Oklahoma for three hours now. With each step, my brace became heavier and heavier. I reached a point of pure exhaustion and pain that I collapsed on the ground, face first. My vision became blurry and my head was spinning. I couldn't make sense of where I was or why I was sitting in the middle of the road. The hot sun beat down relentlessly on my back, soaking my shirt through with sweat. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to relax into the ground. I was too weak to do anything else. I moaned as I curled into a ball and fell into a deep feverish sleep.

…

I peeled my eyes open and began to panic. I couldn't see anything clearly but I could faintly make out blurry shapes around the room. My head pounded and I couldn't think straight. I groaned and tried to sit up, my body screaming in protest, but a hand pushed me gently back against the pillows. A cup was brought to my lips and I tried to gulp down as much of the icy water as possible, not caring that some dribbled out the corner of my mouth and onto my chest. I slowly rolled flat on my back and tried to calm down. A cool cloth was placed on my forehead and I whimpered involuntarily. I was so hot, I felt like fire was flowing through my insides and seeping through my skin. A hand combed through my hair, soothing me. I was afraid to go to sleep. I wasn't quite sure that I would wake up. Then again, that wouldn't be a bad thing. So, I succumbed to sleep and decided to ignore the fire just a little longer.

I woke up with a jolt, my muscles clenching and clamping painfully throughout my body. I screamed out for whoever could hear. I was no longer in control. I shook violently and my stomach jerked and I started to choke. I heard footsteps rush into the room and turn me on my side. I upchucked blindly, sobbing and shaking. This was agony. I heard agitated whispers and the sound of running water. Then, a pair of strong hands lifted me up and carried me to God knows where. I soon found out when I was gently lowered into ice cold water, clothes and all. I gasped and struggled but the same hands that carried me pinned me down in the water. After a while, I adjusted to the water and stopped struggling. The water lapped against my burning body and slowly, very slowly, the fire ebbed away. I tried to say something but my throat was raw and dry. I heard more movement and another glass was raised to my lips. I took it with shaking hands and tipped it back as far as it would go, lapping greedily at the liquid.

"Thank you." I croaked and the glass was lifted from my grasp. I opened my eyes and they began to adjust. I could faintly make out a doorway and so I grabbed the edge of the bathtub and pulled myself out carefully, crawling to the door and standing up. Dizziness and nausea engulf me and I rest my head against the door way, waiting for it to subside.

"Pony, no! What are you doing?" cried a familiar voice. I opened my eyes in surprise and turned my head slowly.

"Cherry?" I whisper in disbelief, taking in her bulging stomach, glossy red hair, and watery green eyes. I saw her hesitate but nod and take a step closer. I widened my eyes and turned away. "Thanks for everything but I gotta go." I said hastily. I pushed past her and limped to the door.

"Ponyboy, PONYBOY," Cherry yells, "Just wait a second!" I ignored her and kept limping with as much dignity as I have left. "Randy!" she yells.

I freeze, "Who the hell is Randy?" I ask. As if on cue, a very tall Soc comes barging into the room. I look up at him and recognition hits me almost immediately. He helped me on the night of the fight. The night Darry died. I wince at the memory.

"Can you help me out here?" Cherry asks, looking exhausted.

"C'mon Ponyboy. You need to sleep, you were really, really sick man. Please cooperate?" Randy asks.

"Thanks for everything, but I really have to go." I say calmly. He sighs and picks me up over his shoulder and drops me on the bed in the middle of the room. Right on my bad shoulder. I hiss through my teeth in pain.

"Sorry dude." Randy says apologetically before leaving the room. Cherry stands next to me. I watch her extend her hand towards me but draws it back just as fast.

"Sorry. I'm just happy you're okay. Sleep a little and then you can go if you want." She says with a gentle smile. At that very moment I notice a dull, constant ache inside of me. I was lonely. I missed Cherry. I needed to be with someone, to hold someone. I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers.

"Can you please stay?" I whisper. She turns and looks at me in surprise but nods. She waddles closer and I scooch over, patting the bed next to me. At first, her back is to me but I roll her over. "Look at me, please." I beg. She brings her eyes up to meet mine. "I said some horrible things to you. And I know sorry won't cut it. But it's a start. You have no idea how much I want to take those horrible things back, and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. There has been a lot of shit in my life recently but I think one of the worst things was losing you, pushing you away." I say.

Cherry sniffles and I wipe away the tears trickling down her face with my thumb before continuing. "For the longest time I was so angry. I was angry at the world and I directed it at you, the person who cares about me the most. I felt cheated. First my parents, then my brother. Mostly, I was mad at myself. All I can think about is how much I wish it was me. I wish that I could've been the one to take that last bullet. I miss him so much, so goddamn much, Cherry." I sob. She grabs my hand and squeezes it encouragingly. "I was scared and I felt alone, so alone. I was angry that no one understood but then I realized that no one should have to understand that pain. I wouldn't wish that hell on anyone." I said, choking back tears. Cherry put her forehead against mine and I drew in a shaky breath. "I turned my back on you when you needed me the most. I feel like I failed you, like I failed everyone." I said, wiping angrily at my tears.

"No, baby, no. You know that isn't true. Yes, handling this pregnancy has been difficult but the worst is yet to come. And you're here now. And I… I feel so guilty. You needed me. You've always been my support system and when you needed me to be yours, I gave up. I gave up too fast. I didn't know what to do. It hurts me to see you so…so... angry! So upset. I wanted to make your tears go away, I wanted to visit you in the hospital and be with you through the whole thing. But I didn't. I stayed here and continued on with my life. And then today, when I found you, you were so sick. I didn't think you were going to open your eyes the next time you fell asleep. I was scared and I felt so much regret for all the things I didn't do. I turned my back when _you _needed me the most."

"Cherry, do you know how much I love you?" I ask after a moment of silence. She laughs that adorable, familiar laugh.

"I love you more." She whispers, nuzzling into my neck. I sigh happily and pull her closer, so I'm pressed against her stomach and her head is resting on my chest. I kiss her forehead and fall asleep. The best damn sleep I've had in a long time.


End file.
